Nov. 20, 2019

The past few days I have been editing my musical, "Resisting the Fae." It has been a little bit hard to write some parts of it. I'm the kind of writer that writes from experiences and going back to my childhood I realized that I have been avoiding the truth in some ways. My own characters in my play are giving me a lesson of courage and of strength. How come I want them to no be afraid and speak of the truth when in my own life I have been afraid of accepting that what happened to me was not my fault. That what this person did to me was evil and cruel. Why do I want my characters to confess and to fight for justice when I have been quiet and have not done anything about it. So here it goes! In 2012 I received a Facebook friend request from someone named Fernando Ricard, along with a message. I was curious who that man was and I read the message. It said something like, "Are you Melissa, the daughter of Professor Moranchel?" So, I became more curious and I checked his profile. When I started checking his profile I started to have a not-so-good feeling. In his profile he had photos of different girls that were around six years old to ten years old. There were also photos of him and probably his family, but many of those other girls were not of his family. The faces of those girls made me feel very uncomfortable and I didn't understand why at first. After I finished looking at his profile, I really wanted to know who this man was. If he knew my dad, it must be a good thing, right? So I accepted his friend request and I wrote back to let him know that yes, I was Melissa, the daughter of Professor Moranchel. I continued with my day and the following day I got another message from him. I opened the message and as soon as I start reading it I became completely out of breath, and as soon as I caught  a breath, I started crying franticly and started to beat at my face. I remember that my wife came running to see what was happening, and she held me to stop me from continuing to beat myself. I felt so ashamed, because I realized who he was, and the photos that I had seen of the girls in his profile came to my mind. Why didn't I say anything, why I keep quiet? I could have protected those girls from him by exposing him. I was seven years old when Fernando Ricard came to live with us, when he was like 24 or 25 yrs. old. My dad gave him a job as a swimming coach. My parents were helping him out until he found a place of his own. I had completely blocked out everything that had to do with him for eight years of my life. One day when I was fourteen years old, I was watching the Cristina show (a popular Latino talk show) and she had kids sharing their stories of sexual abuse. I remember that my mom was watching it with me and I said, "That happened to me," very normally, casually, like it was not a big deal. My mom was confused, and asked me to say that again, and I shared with her how Fernando Ricard and I used to "play" and the things he did to me. I remember that my mom was furious, and she asked me,  "Why did you never tell me? I always told you not to let anyone touch you!" Until this very moment, I assure you all that I really don't know why I didn't say anything about it. Perhaps it is because I didn't know I was doing something wrong. If I truly understood what was going on, I probably would have kicked his balls the first time he kissed me. At that time I was a kid champion in Tai Kwon Do. After telling my mother and seeing how upset she was, I realized that I did something very wrong. My memories started to make more sense, and started haunting me that I definitely should have kicked him in his balls and have told my parents everything. I'm sorry, Mommy, that I didn't tell you in time. It was not your fault what happened to me. I know finding out made your heart bleed, but remember that this asshole took advantage of your kindness. You have always been incredible, amazing, and the best mother I could ever ask for and I love you so much. Fernando Ricard, from now on I will block you forever and you will not harm me anymore. Fernando Ricard, I will never ever forgive you for what you did to me, but I do forgive myself because now I know that it was not my fault. I know karma is a bitch and it will find you. This is the time for me to let go and move forward and for all of you that have kids, our plan is to have kids remember: DO NOT TRUST ANYONE !!!